There are always things we want our kid’s to remember us by, things we want them to know when we are gone, things that when they talk about this mom- they say and know in their hearts it’s true.
I always hope my children know I do my best. I always do what I think is best for them. I want my kids to know that not only do I love them, but I truly love being their mother. When I look at them, I see my heart outside of my body. I truly hope my children know that.
I want my children to be able to say that even when mom got overstimulated, yelled, or cried, that she truly did her best. I want them to be able to say that mom made it happen for them. Even when she was tired emotionally and physically, even when the weight of world kept falling onto her shoulders, that she made sure it happened for us.
I want my children to know that they're also my safe place. That they make me feel home. They're the two people who make this world go round. Who I wake up every day and strive to be a better human for.
Tonight, my son told me he was proud of me. Tonight, I felt defeated. Tonight I was overstimulated. My house is a mess, my car is a mess, the kids got into purple shampoo while I was making dinner 2 nights ago and I keep finding it, they took all the hangers out of the closet while they were supposed to take a nap. I will admit, I raised my voice. Then apologized not even 2 minutes after, I know it could’ve been handled differently. I want my children to know that it is okay to apologize, that even mom is wrong sometimes. Even after me telling them they’re losing their screen time privileges then apologizing, my son still said “Mommy, I’m so proud of you” I pour love into my children every single day, so many times a day. I tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of them. I make sure they know that I’m so proud and lucky to be their mommy. I want them to remember that. I want them to look back and know that I’m so proud to be their mommy.
Your children aren’t going to remember the things that were bought. They are going to remember who poured love into their souls, who showed up, who was there to pick them up when they fell. They’re going to remember who made them feel safe, loved, wanted, and heard.
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