I’m in a weird place in life. Where I’m embracing life changes and letting them happen, but also mourning the life I thought I’d have.
Don’t get me wrong. My life isn’t bad, by any means. Compared to some, I have it pretty well, I'd say (which I'm beyond thankful for). I’m a single mom of two beautiful kids. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, a stable job, family close by, and good friends.
Yet, it is so much different from the life I envisioned at nearly 26 years old. Once I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I envisioned my life so much differently. Then I became a single mom at 21 with a 6 month old & pregnant. Nearly 5 years later, my life is still not as I envisioned, but that's also okay.
I pictured my life with a husband or at least a relationship; a stable and healthy relationship. My babies running around a yard. The kids having their own room. A big kitchen. BBQ’s in the back yard with our friends that became family. A porch swing that I watched the sunrise and set every day. I pictured going to sporting events for the kids with my significant other, cheering them on, the kids being so happy that the people that love them the most are showing up. Meals with family, bed times with family. Staying up with my significant other and talking about our days, laughing, and enjoying our quality time.
Instead of doing all of the things I thought I’d be doing as a family, I do it by myself, with these wild kid's of mind. My family is “normal” but at the same time, it isn’t a “normal” family… My family looks different. It’s beautiful, chaotic, and I love it to pieces. But it is different than your “normal” mom, dad, kid(s) home and I am in a stage of mourning that..
My point is- it’s okay to mourn the life you thought you’d have. It’s okay that your life takes a different path than you expected. Doors close and paths veer off for new ones to open. It’s a beautiful thing, this life. This wild life. But believe me, as beautiful as this life is. I mourn the one I thought I’d have.
My advice (that I have to take myself) is; don't get stuck in the rut of mourning that envisioned life though. Love the beautiful, chaotic, and "different" life you have now. The plan for your life is beautiful, exactly how it's supposed to be. Even if it's hard to see it that way sometimes.
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